Picking out the perfect gift for the special lady in your life can be a challenging. That has nothing on the challenge of selecting the optimum Secret Santa gifts for her, though. Diamonds may be a girl’s best friend, but they’re the arch nemesis of a £10 upper spending limit.
Rest assured, intrepid shopper. We have you covered with a guide to Secret Santa gifts for female recipients. All these fine items are available on Amazon, so you won’t need to battle with the masked masses on the high street, and you won’t need a second mortgage to finance your festivities.
One Armed Hooker Novelty Crochet Mug
The term “one-armed hooker” sounds like a deeply unflattering nickname, or a rugby player of questionable usefulness. It’s also used in knitting circles, though. The context is open to interpretation in that instance. Knitting societies can be famously ruthless.
If you have drawn a crochet enthusiast as your Secret Santa recipient, she is bound to see the funny side of this ceramic mug shaped like a ball of yarn. It looks so lifelike that that the cat is likely to attempt to steal it on sight.
£10.99 | View Product
Hot Flush Alert Fan
Everybody knows that it is bad form to ask a lady her age. If you have a work colleague that insists opening the windows during a blizzard outside however, or a family member that packs shorts and flip-flops for a ski holiday, it’s probably safe to assume that she is experiencing biological changes.
This portable fan will keep hot flushes at bay, ensuring that rosy cheeks need not leave everybody else in the vicinity with frostbite. Plus it loudly and proudly announces that the recipient is undergoing the menopause. What woman doesn’t love that?
£8.99 | View Product
Burt’s Bees Gift Set
One of the great traditions of the company Christmas party, aside from telling your boss that they’re alright really and you didn’t mean what you wrote about them on the toilet wall, is puckering up under the mistletoe and stealing a kiss from an office crush.
This set of three high-end, ethically produced lip balms is packed in a honeycomb-shaped jar or a more traditional cardboard box. Sheila from Accounts will be delighted with either. The young man from the post room that she drags to the stationery cupboard possibly less so.
£9.99 | View Product
Cat-Shaped Post-it Note Dispenser
It’s a universal truth that you can never find a post-it note when you need one. Seriously, when the workplace eventually devolves into Mad Max-style post-apocalyptic wasteland, these things will be as valuable as gold. This means that a personal stash needs to be guarded.
What better gatekeeper, in this case, than a cat? This may look like a novelty gift that’s a bit of fun, but don’t be fooled. Try to steal your colleague’s precious post-its and she’ll become every bit as territorial as a feral feline. But then, on the other hand, look at its little face!
£9.93 | View Product
Glamorous Pink and Pearly Washing-Up Gloves
Sometimes it’s nice to look your best, no matter what activity you’re undertaking. For the glamourpuss in your life, these washing up gloves will bring a touch of decadence to the dishes.
Featuring fur lining, a bracelet and a diamond on the finger (would you look at that, we found a rock within budget after all!), they’re sure to help anybody embrace their inner Coco Chanel while scrubbing gravy from the fine festive china.
£7.50 | View Product
VIPoo Pre-Poo Toilet Spray Air Freshener Gift Pack
We have it on good authority that when the ladies in our life visit the smallest room in the house, nothing but rainbows and sparkles emerge. We don’t know how they manage it. Maybe we should think about following a vegan diet after all.
If you happen to know somebody that isn’t quite so fortunate, these diffusing sprays will be the perfect tonic. Covering up to 200 trips to the loo, the recipient can convince anybody that follows them into the bathroom that they are truly magical.
£9.75 | View Product
Colour Changing Gin Infusing Kit
If the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, the way to a woman’s is frequently through her gin glass. Gin has never even more popular, and these infusions will make even the plainest supermarket own brand come to life.
Yes, the recipient will need to supply her own booze to take advantage of this gift. The great thing is, it doesn’t need to be anything pink and sparkly. Pop the infusion bags into a glass of the clear stuff and watch it come to life. Fluorescent, bitter-tasting liquids are no longer the sole reserve to dental surgeries following a filling.
£5.99 | View Product
Bath Blaster Gift Pack
Few things combine relaxation with fun as effectively as a bath bomb, and nothing says Christmas quite like a hessian sack. Bring these two elements together, and what do you have? The ultimate Secret Santa gift, that’s what.
This gift set offers 7 fizzing bath bombs, and there’s a choice of colour and design on the sack. The bath bombs themselves have a festive theme too, so you can assure the recipient that you’re just getting into the spirit of the season, not making a passive-aggressive judgment about her personal hygiene.
£14.65 | View Product
Handbag Light with Automatic Sensor
A woman’s handbag is often comparable to Doctor Who’s TARDIS. Somehow, these tiny and classy accessories contain more bits and pieces than most people can fit into a fitted wardrobe. While that’s helpful, it can also lead to hours of rooting and fumbling for purses and house keys.
This heart-shaped light shines automatically, shedding light on the contents of a bag and making everything easier to find, switching off after 15 seconds. This creates a fun challenge. Can the recipient dig through four packs of tissues, seven lip balms, six months of backdated receipts and a small family of nesting owls before time runs out?
£9.99 | View Product
Hot Hunks Dot-to-Dot Puzzle Book
The humble fireman calendar is so last decade. These days, when it comes to two-dimensional hunks o’ love, the women in your life will be looking for a more interactive experience.
Enter this dot-to-dot book, which contains 28 puzzles that unveil pecs, biceps and six-packs aplenty with the simple stroke of a pencil. We’re sure they all have lovely personalities too, don’t worry.
£4.75 | View Product